BUDDY IN MY HEAD

 

Hi everyone, I'm not sure how many of you can relate to this, but let me introduce this little voice inside my head that I believe is within each of us, though I'm not completely certain.

Yes, it is that voice which is helping you to read this if you cannot read it out loud. The voice which you cannot hear but you can understand very well what it is saying. A voice without a source, a voice that no one can hear except you. The voice of our mind.

It’s a story or more of a description of my mind’s voice.

It's very loud and chatty in my head. This voice has a lot to say and is really opinionated. Every time I see something, feel something or experience a thing, this buddy in my head is the first one to respond. The annoying thing about her is that even when I demand silence, she continues to blabber on about anything and everything.

In spite of all these I cannot deny the fact that she is an integral part of me. She is actually me and her silence is end of me thus no matter how annoying she is I enjoy her company.

When I was alone, she made my alone time so enjoyable, I have gotten so accustomed to her presence that sometimes her company is more enjoyable than having other humans around.

Sometimes she is deep, sometimes silly, sometimes noisy but never quiet. She creates own versions of her stories with photos that I capture through my eyes and audios that I record through my ears. The senses I experience through my skin and taste I perceive with my tongue are conveyed by her in such an amazing way. She makes every experience mine a story with a great deal of precision.

She is my perception and my interpretation of the world. When I cannot speak, she still says what she wants to say. But of course, she is not audible unless I assist her to be so. In private, I talk to myself frequently. I try to understand her and echo what she says, and so I often end up talking to myself.

She constructs absurd scenarios out of everything otherwise normal, thus turning every situation into either a complicated or guilt-inducing situation. Thus sometimes I feel it is better for her to shut up but who cares. She never listens to anyone and no one can hear her anyways.

I find her funny when she is flustered; she stutters, she is blank, she hangs out at the very moment I need her most. Sometimes she becomes a broken radio at the most inappropriate time, repeating the same line for God knows how long.

In spite of all these I am relieved to have this buddy in my head. I hope she grows and develops well as I age. While I strive to enrich her knowledge and experiences, I hope she does the same with regards to keeping open and accepting to every reasonable information that she receives.

 As far as my mind is concerned, she is more like a friend, or would it be a sister if I consider her to be an additional person in my life. She is me but when I talk to her or work on my own she is my companion or instructor.

Despite finding it hard to describe her, I have embraced her for who she is and enjoyed thinking about her.